Testimony

 

tes·ti·mo·ny/ˈtestəˌmōnē/ Noun: A formal written or spoken statement 

March 22, 2009 - Calvary Chapel Salt Lake City - The moment that changed my life forever

It has been almost 3 years since that divine appointment. But, to give this proper perspective, we would have to start in the beginning.

Growing up, life wasn't always the easiest for me. For my dad, was abusive to my half brother Brandon, who in turn always took out on me. There has always been the sense of hostility that I have felt from my brother and like was from me. I am not sure if my dad was abusive towards me, He certainly didn't show it later on in life. But my mother and brother faced the ugly end of my father. I cannot remember the date nor the hour as to the night my parents separated, but I do remember the fighting.

I remember sitting on the stairs alone while my parents duked it out in the next room. My grandmother on my mom's side came into the house. I guess my mother must have called her. My grandma immediately comforted me and then relieved my mother to dish it out with my dad. I remember my mom clinging to me as though it was the last time she would see me. I can recall very clearly my dad yelling to the both of them to get out and that he was going to call the police. He actually said judge but police fits better in this context. The next thing I know, two officers are there. One was comforting and watching over my mom and grandmother. I had an officers play set that I very proudly went and got to show off to him, oblivious to the fact that my family was falling apart.

After the police settled the situation, my mother and brother and I went to stay at my grandmothers for the night. I spent the next 6 months bouncing between my mother and father, not really having any stability in my life. Then one day, my dad sat me down and said that he was going away. He found a house and job in Sacramento California where he was moving too. I was 5 years old.

I spent most of my life in this continuous state of travel. I would spend my school months with my mother and my summer months with my father. They would alternate Christmas and New Years visitations every year. That was pretty much my childhood from the age of 5 to 16. When I was seven, my grandmother passed away. I took this hard. Harder than my cousins who were my age. My mom decided that a funeral wasn't the best thing for me and put me on a plane bound for California to stay with my dad and other grandma. Both of my grandfathers passed away before I was born and I never met my grandmother on my father’s side before. So, my grandmother on my mother’s side was the only grandparent that I grew up to know and to love. She died December 23 1992.

I grew to know and love my grandmother on my father's side very much. We would watch the "Price is Right" and play chutes and ladders all day long. She would occasionally catch me sneaking into her Reese's Peanut Butter but she never really took it away. I very fond memories of my grandmother growing but sadly, she would not live long enough to see me into adulthood. She passed away December 12, 1997 due to marrow cancer in her hip. One of my fondest and one of my last memories of her was asking her to play chutes and ladder. The cancer her pretty much spread throughout her entire hip and wasn't about to stop. Even though the pain was excruciating for her to get up and walk over to the dining room table, she did it anyway, just to play chutes and ladders with me one last time.

After the death of my grandmother, I decided to blame God for it. My heart hardened for the things of God. I had never been to church nor read the Gospel. In fact, just getting a hold of the Gospel in Salt Lake City was hard to come by. I didn't know God and I didn't care, I hated him all the same.

I maintained that mentality all throughout my teen years. I had tampered with smoking when I was ten and then picked it up when I was thirteen. In seventh grade a snuck a full bottle of Smirnoff in a Gatorade bottle to school. My friends at the time and I got toasted at lunch and went back to class. As I grew older, my distaste for God grew stronger. By the time I was in High School, I would often flip off God and curse him out when something went wrong. I had gotten to the point that I would tell people that I was indeed going to Hell and taht I was going to take it over and then asked my firends if they wanted to join me. Asking friends to go to Hell with you is very twisted and I am currently praying for those who I asked. I watch their lives today and cannot help by feel that I am to blame for it.

By the time I left High School, I was drinking more and more, I had stopped smoking but picked it back up a year later and I still hated God. Not much changed going into college. When I was half way through my associate’s degree, I met Audra at McDonalds. She was working there at the time. This was February 23, 2007. By this time I had turned into a horny gambling drunk where that best places to find me were either at the bar or at the strip club with my friend Brett. Usually after night of drinking and ogling over naked women, we would go to McDonalds between 3 and 4 in the morning. I asked Audra to a date via text message. I have always been shy around women. We went out the next night to Reno 911 and then to Denny's. Oh boy was that romantic. We finished the night at my mom's watching Saw III. I was just trying to get a quickie out of Audra but God had other plans for us and thank God that he did.

Audra and I started dating more and more and getting more and more adventurous with our relationship until August of 2007. Audra found out she was pregnant. She had already left Utah and moved back with her family in Northern Colorado. Months seemed to have ticked by like pouring molasses in the winter. Each day dragged on without end. Until April 11 2008, Kelly Wave was born and I knew that I had to take off my playing clothes and put on the daddy suit. I went back to Salt Lake and started to get ready for a place to bring my new family home to. Well that didn't actually happen until January 2009. 

I was still drinking heavily but the hatred for God had turned into a vague feeling for him. I didn't know it then but I was on the fence about God. The Christmas of 2008 had me thinking about Him. We had tried to find a church in Salt Lake. Now Christian churches in Salt Lake City and far and few to come by but we noticed that there was one only a few blocks from where we were living. It was back in an industrial area of town but something drew us there. Audra, my girlfriend at the time, met me there for a Wednesday service on March 22, 2009. A day I will never forget.

We were greeted and shown around the facility and checked both of our kids in and proceeded to the sanctuary. We picked up two Bibles because we didn't have any and found a place to sit on the south section of the church. Right as soon as we sat down, this kid with a fo-hawk, tattoo sleeves and big gauged ears walked right up to us and introduced himself. His name was Tony and he talked about a college and career group that met every Saturday and that we should go. We said maybe. Now if I were me back then, I would have gave Tony a huge hug and shouted "YES WE WILL THERE!! ARE YOU KIDDING!!" Instead we said maybe. Well at this time I saw the man that was going to convict me. He was going to guilt-trip me. He was going to humiliate me. And I would later thank him for it. His name was Pastor Terry Long. 

He then went into a service about the thorn in the flesh. I cannot remember what was exactly said, all that I remember is a feeling of a longing, a hoping, a searching, an emptiness filling up inside of me. I remember feeling something moving, it was changing, it was re-shaping how I felt and how I perceived God. God wasn't this bully with a magnifying glass. He wasn't this person that wanted nothing else but to make my life the worse it could be. He was caring, loving, compassionate, and merciful. He was everything I wasn't but everything I wanted to be.  The Holy Spirit was moving in me and I felt satisfied. For the first time in my life, I was satisfied. I was filled. At the end of the service, Pastor Terry asked that if we didn't know Christ, to pray "Lord, forgive me of my sins. Come into my life. I am yours. And he will meet you there." I said that prayer and felt an empowering that I had never felt before. That night, I stayed wide awake and prayed and cried and laughed. I had never felt so peaceful before in my life.

Later on Audra and I got married,  ee had another child, and named him Timothy which means "God's Honor". We moved out of Salt Lake and into Northern Colorado were I volunteer at the NOCO Cowboy Church youth group called Impact. God has blessed us abundantly and we are so in love with him. I have slipped up since that divine appointed night in March but He remains faithful. I am praying daily for those that I have crossed and for those who I upset or offended or led down the wrong path. And this testimony isn't about "Oh look at how I turned my life around! Hallelu-me!" No, it's about what God has done. That despite 11 years of hatred, 11 years of cursing Him, 11 years of bitterness whipped away in one prayer. Don't under-estimate the power of prayer and don't under-estimate God. He will use you, shape you, mold you, and make you a better person than what you were yesterday and today. Don't reject him, accept him. God will meet you wherever you are. No matter how much you think you screwed up, He will meet you there. He doesn't care what you have done, give it to God and walk right by Him. There is so much Joy and happiness in this Journey if all you do is just believe in Him and let him take control. Thank you for reading this and God bless.